


one for billions

by TrekFaerie



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Gen, Murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-14 22:26:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5761216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrekFaerie/pseuds/TrekFaerie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Han always shoots first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	one for billions

**Author's Note:**

> [fill](https://tfa-kink.dreamwidth.org/1082.html?thread=244282#cmt244282)

He's always shot first.

Well, as some people said. He didn't know why it was a matter of such debate throughout the universe; hadn't known at all until Ben, barely seven, had come home one day from playing with a bloody nose and a furious expression.

"They said Greedo shot first!" he had hissed in his little voice, already too deep and worn for a boy. "I told them they were liars!"

"It's been a few years, but I'm pretty sure he did," he'd said in reply, leaning against the doorway of the kitchen. "Good thing he couldn't aim to save his life, the dumb bastard."

Leia, who had been mopping up Ben's nose with a cloth, turned her head and glared at him, like he'd done something wrong. He'd just shrugged helplessly; what was he supposed to do, lie to the kid? He already knew how to read his mind, and sometimes even managed to do it on purpose. Lying was useless against a Force-addled child.

"No, you shot first, Dad!" His eyes had always gleamed when he talked about violent things. They'd thought he'd outgrow it. He never had. "You showed him who was boss! He never even saw it coming!"

It had taken him a while, but he'd finally realized the message behind Leia's glare: _This is a teachable moment. Teach him something._

"I think, killing someone who hasn't actually done anything to you yet," he had said slowly, carefully, choosing his words like water to put the fire out in Ben's stare, "makes you kind of a dick."

It turns out he was right.

He already knows Ben is going to kill him. He can practically see it in his mind's eye; he doesn't need the Force's visions to pick up on something so obvious. He can see other things, too: more lives lost to a red blade, rebel and civilian and First Order, some innocent and some guilty, some in battle and some not. His life would be another added to the pile, and Leia, no husband and no son, would be alone again.

He couldn't leave her again.

That's why he takes his son by the shoulders and shoves him hard off the bridge.

Perhaps the worst part, the most agonizing thing tearing at his very heart, was how Ben hadn't even reached out for him as he fell. Even plummeting to his death, he'd wanted nothing from his father.

It takes Chewie and the kids' combined strength to drag him back to the Millennium Falcon. To force him out of the insane mind space that wants to jump in after him.

Leia isn't around when they return. He knows she knows already; her child dying must have sent a shockwave through the Force. As he leaves the kids, who are celebrating their victory over darkness with their friends, he silently hopes he hasn't murdered her, too.

Her quarters are dark and silent. He pads through the room as quietly as he can, like making even the slightest noise will break something for good. He finds a lump of sheets in the center of the bed, feels it tremble as he climbs up on the bed and pulls it tight against his chest.

"I killed our son," he says quietly against her back.

The silence shatters into the broken, wrenching sobs of a mother mourning her only child.

**Author's Note:**

> or
> 
> The lump of sheets replies, "He's not dead."
> 
> choose your ending!


End file.
